Late 20s dilemma

So today I had a conversation on Whatsapp with my close friend Fafa. You know my die hard kkb. Well so what happened was I woke up with a realisation last 2 days that I would be 30 years old in 2 years time. That what I wanted to be is not what I am doing right now. This is not what I want. I am nowhere near who I wanna be in terms of ambition and goals. I am sure everyone of us have gone to that mid crisis. So I told her and she asked me what I want to be. So when I was 15, I knew I wanted to be a Historian, Geologist, I.T professional and UN ambassador. On top of that, I wanted to be a professional Figure Skating Coach since I was practically in love with Ice skating.

No where near there. I wanted to go in university to actually study History but when I came back to Singapore none of these make sense. I went on a different route and studied Islamic studies and even went on to Tahfiz school. Someone whose mum actually had spent a few thousands sending to International school decided to drop everything and was not interested in academics until I woke up with another realisation that I was able to do my friend degree assignments. So I went back to taking Alevels and did a diploma in Communication Management (Mass comm). At that point of time I was working in retail/ sales and I am still doing that.

So right now , I have no idea what I wanna do. Because I am nowhere to where I wanted to be. Like I started working cause obviously I had to and then since I took over all the responsibilities at home, there is no way I can risk myself doing anything risky because I pay the bills you know on top of my own education loan. Back to what I was talking to Fafa, she suggested me to do Biomedical. And since I am already working in the optical line for going 3 years, Uncle Roger and Sheron (both optometrist) told me that I should continue and pursue to be Optician. That could have better skills and pay. Technically I did found the passion in the line that I am working in. But the question is if that is what I really want? To do this or to start pursuing my meaningless dreams.

I am still in daze cause I'll be 30 in two years time. I still can't decide whether I want to do this or not. Cause I will obviously need to stay in retail to go in for the course. Life is so confusing, I mean come on do you think this is what I wanted 10 years ago. I would not even think I will still be in retail after getting my degree but here I am. And you know what, I don't hate my job at one bit. not at all I wake up hating to go work or dragging my feet. I don't. I look forward to go to work and actually am glad I am doing what I am. But you know sometimes society or family pressures plays a part.

Well I've decided to just pursue another new cert related to my job and upgrade my skills. In Sha Allah, everything will be alright. Hey, everything is already written in Luh Mahfuz. So, yeah I had a mid crisis coming to my 30s. Funny thing is I am not even thinking about marriage. I mean I do want that but right now all that matters is I get my career path straight. Knowledge is knowledge. It is never a loss. Unless you see me unhappy at work, then we all know it is time for me to say goodbye. But as of right now, Allah S.W.T had given me everything I wanted. Alhamdulillah.


........to be continued

2018

2018

Life has been so good to me that I was able to go back to Brunei twice and travel a few times this year.
WORK was tiring but hey I made a new awesome family as always and I'm glad I was transferred to this other branch of the company.
Well, this year I got two new nieces and a nephew. YES! I'm so proud of them.

3 more months to 2019.

Nothing was accomplished this year as I didn't had anything plan at all. It was a time for me to take a break after the haitus and messed that I got myself in for the past 4 years. I was really sick after graduating at 2015 for my BACHELORS. Yeah to those who do not know, I finally got my degree after like so long. Well I kinda took a shortcut and took a fast track and skipped all the holidays just to finish it within 18 months than the usual 4 years. Thank God for that opportunity and I also made Malay friends that still strongly keep in touch with.

2015-2017

After getting my certificate, I was sick and had so many visits to the hospital. There was an instance 35 visits just within 6 months. I spent most of my commission paying off to the hospital for my blood test , 3 clinics in one hospital and another 1 department in another hospital. I was diagnosed with a pituitary tumour, Diebetes and Sleep Apnea. Sleep Apnea alone had cost me around 3000SGD as I was required to sleep with a CPAP machine.

If I truly know I was going to be diagnosed with this , I would have not spent my money on my studies. But God just has His ways and I got to accept it. But hey all of this led me to being severely depressed and there were dark times. But I'm alright as of now. I was just glad it was not a terminal illness or malignant tumour.

So feel blessed every single day because Allah SWT have given me a chance to do so.

Coming 2019, let's do better. And yeah I'm gonna be 29 with the features of an 18 years old because I'm a Vampire.

Coming back again 😝

14 March 2016. I'm gonna start writing again.

for bitches in my life.

Hasanah Zafi going back to Ice Figure Skating. ♥ getting all my fats and stress off. Hopefully after this i would be more busy than i was already so bitches would never have any effect on me when they talk about me like they think i have such time. Like hello, i have school and work , pump it up sessions. Only crazy people would think i still have time for such things call hanging out and meeting guys like mushrooms when HELLO i dont and not even interested of doing so. Oh wait, you talk like you know me right? Wanna be my paparazzi , I'm in communication course, I can give you enough tips to mind your own business and also improve on your gossiping session on amazing bad facts on Hasanah Zafi to people that she knows. Oh yes. Maybe that will enlighten your prodigy mindset of yours you low class not worthy to even talk about me. Look at your own backyard or should i say your own house before you talk about me. Be humble? Lol, talking from someone who has nothing but force to be humble about because she practically has nothing at all. If you even try talking about my education, please get your facts right. Or if you talking about my self worthy, please have a good look at yourself. Atleast im trying my best to get out from the poverty side of life here and not sucking guys money to survive in this humble Island of yours. And no im not proud and would never be proud if a guy spent on me cause that just shows how much i need a man in my life and that i dont have that capability on my own. I would be ashamed instead then telling people oooo this guy spend money and do my hair and stuff. Instead i learn to work hard, save up and earn my own keep, not only by that, pay my own bills, give my mum money and go through school and achieved my degree in the near future. Then i would think about marriage and having a kid to look after. Therefore one day i would look at my baby and say I sacrifice and struggle for you to have a better future than mine , like how your grandmother did for me when i was growing up. Life isnt easy, talking is. So if you wanna bitch about me. Go on, cause i know ive had a better past then you, and a better future to look forward to. Don't judge me or talk about me when you don't know a single thing nor spend time with me ever. Thank you. Peace be upon you. apple hasanah zafi

After School - Because of you MV [English subs + Romanization + Hangul] HD